My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
