I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
