I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
