so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
