I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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