my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
