Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
