Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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