I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
