I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
