Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
is it fun? or sober?
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