I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize