Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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