I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
