just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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