so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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