Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Small penises have feelings too.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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