you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
