Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
