i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
