i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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