there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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