That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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