it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fuck appropriateness.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
