they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
