there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
