I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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