shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
