nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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