then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
