This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize