Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
