i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
