i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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