I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
