I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
from now on my penis is your penis
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize