My sheets look like a crime scene.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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