That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
