I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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