stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize