____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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