I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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