you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
