i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
