you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
