you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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