my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
