He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
