His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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