She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
