It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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