This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
