It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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