im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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