dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize