i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
