I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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