HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
