Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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