I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
