If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
