is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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