i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Congratulations! We have a period
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