Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i now understand why vodka
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
