just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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