You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
