She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
