A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
