did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you win again, gameday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
