Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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