dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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